


Miles to Go Before We Can Sleep

by skyhillian



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2017-12-15 02:21:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyhillian/pseuds/skyhillian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts off as a release, something to do to calm down, but eventually it morphs into something that neither are sure about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Possible epilogue to be added, but otherwise completed!

_I._

  
  
  Since Maeve died five months ago, Reid had been spending a lot of time with his boss outside of work. Hotch understood some of what Reid was feeling, for he had heard his ex-wife murdered over a cellphone connection. Reid also sincerely appreciated the fact that Hotch didn't treat him like he was going to fall apart at any moment. The rest of his friends treated him like he was made of glass. Yes, there had been a few weeks after Maeve died that he had been in total shambles—he couldn't sleep or eat, and he had refused to talk to anyone at all.  
  
 It was a bit odd to be spending so much time with Hotch. The increased time spent with his boss jumbled Spencer's emotions. Before Hotch had met Beth, there had been _something_  there between them, but neither had ever acted on it. Touches that lingered just a  _bit_  too long, the way that Hotch leaned over the back of Reid's chair to look at something, causing their cheeks to brush... The flash of heat every time their eyes met...  
  
  To be honest, Reid had been a bit upset upon meeting Beth, but he had put on a happy face for Aaron. He was glad that he had found happiness again. Soon after Hotch and Beth had begun dating, Reid had phoned Maeve for the first time about his migraines.  
  
  Eventually, Hotch broke up with Beth when she got transferred to New York. He wasn't going to put that kind of strain on Jack. Not long afterward, Maeve had been killed by Diane.

 

~*~*~*~

  
  Hotch could feel Reid's gaze on him while he tried to concentrate on the movie they were watching. Reid had been staring at him all night and it was beginning to unnerve him. Hotch stopped the movie and turned to face Reid, tucking a bare foot under his thigh.

  "Spencer," he began. They had made an agreement to call each other by their first names when in private. "What's going on? You seem distracted tonight." Reid began to chew on his plump bottom lip, and Hotch reached out and pulled it from between his perfect teeth. "What did I say about that? You'll damage your skin."

  Reid stared back with wide, hazel eyes. Normally, his eyes betrayed the things he couldn't voice, but at the moment they were unreadable. Before Hotch could fathom what was happening, Reid had surged forwards and pressed his lips to Hotch's. After a moment, Reid pulled away. His face was beautifully flushed and his eyes were wide.

  "I'm so sorry, Aaron," he said, voice quavering. "I just..." His tongue darted across his lips and Aaron's eyes tracked its progress.

  "You just...?"

  "I just need..." Reid leaned forward and kissed his boss again. "Please, Aaron," he whispered. The tone of Reid's voice sent shivers down Hotch's spine, along with the surge of his blood rushing to his crotch. How on earth could he say no to that voice?

 

  Hotch leaned forward until they were laid back against the couch cushions. The movie was long forgotten. Reid threaded his fingers into Hotch's short hair and tugged lightly when the older man sucked on his tongue.

  Kissing Spencer was a hundred times better than Aaron had ever imagined, and imagine it he had. His lips were as soft as they looked and he tasted like coffee and cinnamon. More than once over the years Hotch had woken from a dream about Spencer to find his pants sticky.

  Reid rolled his hips upward and moaned when they connected with Hotch's. Hotch kissed down Reid's neck and across his collarbone. Reid hitched a leg over Aaron's hip and angled their pelvises together. They quickly set up a grinding rhythm that had no rhyme or reason; their bodies were undulating of their own accord.

  Glorious pleasure was coursing through Aaron's body, starting somewhere near his hair-line and ending near his toes. He also needed this badly. It had been at least six months since he had had any contact other than his left hand.

  He sucked a patch of flawless skin to a deep purple color just below the collar of Reid's shirt. Spencer voiced a low moan and his body bowed inward. When Hotch sank his teeth into the new hickey, Spencer arched off of the couch and gave a strangled cry as he came in his boxers. The sound of Reid coming undone triggered Hotch's orgasm as well and he buried his face in Spencer's neck to muffle his groan.

  They lie on the couch for a moment, working to catch their breath. Reid pushed on Hotch's shoulders until he sat up. Reid hurried to the door where he jammed his feet into his Chuck Taylors without even trying to put them on properly. His face was very red.

  "Spencer?" Hotch asked, confused.

  "I should go," he mumbled and headed out the door before Hotch could say another word.

 


	2. Chapter 2

_II._  
  
  The next day at work, Spencer did everything he could to avoid his boss. When Hotch's office door opened, he would scramble for the bathroom. Eventually Morgan asked him if he was alright as he had hurried off to the bathroom no less than ten times in two hours. He sighed and began his stack of paperwork.  
  
  He had been focusing so hard on avoidance that he had ploughed through his paperwork before 2:30. He swore internally; now that his paperwork was complete, he had to take it to Hotch's office. He headed up the ramp as if he were heading to the gallows, his arms laden with folders. He knocked and Hotch signaled for him to answer. Reid stepped into the office and shut the door behind himself. He stepped forward and deposited his finished paperwork on the desk. Hotch surveyed the clock and then the pile before looking up at Reid, who was studiously avoiding his boss's eye.  
  
  "You're already finished?" Spencer often completed paperwork ahead of schedule, but not this amount in only a few hours.  
  
  "I got a bit... lost in my work," said Reid. Hotch tapped his fingers on his desk.  
  
  "Spencer," he began.  
  
  "I'm sorry," Spencer blurted, cutting Hotch off.  
  
  "For?" Hotch asked, started by the apology.  
  
  "For pressuring you last night. It was completely out of line and I'm sorry," Reid rambled. His voice was beginning to sound hysterical. "I understand if you want to file a sexual harassment report against me. I wouldn't blame you in the slightest. Report me to—"  
  
  Hotch had covered Reid's mouth with his hand, effectively ending his rant. "Spencer," he repeated slowly, "it's  _okay._ "  
  
  "It's what?" Spencer asked, his voice muffled by Hotch's hand. Aaron uncovered Reid's mouth.  
  
  "It's  _okay_."  
  
  Reid's hazel eyes widened. But... But I—" Hotch was hurt that Reid thought he had pressured him. He had thought it obvious that he was enjoying himself as much as Reid. He could see a faint hint of the hickey poking out of Spencer's collar. A flash of heat raced through his body.  
  
  "Spencer, it's what you needed, and that's fine. I'm glad that I could do something for you." Reid stared at the floor. His face was turning pink. "Know if you ever need... _help_... you can come to me." Spencer chewed on his lip, and again Hotch smoothed it away from his teeth. His hand lingered on Reid's cheek and hazel eyes met his.  
  
  For a moment, the old spark reignited and Hotch thought his heart might burst from his chest. He let his hand fall back to his side. Reid backed towards the door. "Thank you," he mumbled before quickly exiting. Hotch heaved a heavy sigh and had to resist the urge to bash his head against his wall.

 

~*~*~*~

The next several weeks went by without incident. Reid still came to Hotch's apartment to watch movies and have dinner once a week, but nothing more came of the visits. Spencer spent a lot of time with Jack, even going as far as reading him bedtime stories. Jack thought it was absolutely magnificent that he could say a book title and Reid could recite it from memory.

  Hotch sighed and took a large sip of his whiskey. They had just returned from a hard case in Michigan. The UnSub had been forcibly injecting his victims with heroin to the point of near overdose. He would then torture and kill them. By the time they had caught the bastard he had killed another person. Reid hadn't fared well during the case. He had been pale and shaky ninety percent of the time.

  Aaron's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. When he opened it, he found Reid shifting from foot to foot nervously.

  "May I come in?" he asked timidly. Hotch stepped aside to grant him access. Reid sat down on the couch after removing his sneakers and he began to twiddle his thumbs.

  "Would you like something to drink?" Reid nodded. "Scotch? Whiskey?"

  "Surprise me," he said, a tight smile pulling at his mouth.

  Hotch poured Reid a finger of whiskey and when he handed it to him, Reid downed it in one swallow. Hotch was a bit worried now—Reid rarely drank and when he did, he sipped at it. Hotch sat down next to Reid.

  "Spencer, are you okay?"

  He fingered the rim of his glass. "I want to stop thinking about Tobias and the dilaudid, but it's nearly impossible. I don't want to remember, Aaron."

  Hotch pulled the tumbler from Spencer's hand and tugged him to his feet. He lead the way down the hall and to his bedroom. Reid followed silently. Once inside, Hotch kissed Reid hard on the mouth. Reid immediately parted his lips and Aaron walked them backwards until Spencer's legs hit the mattress, Aaron coming to settle between his legs. He rolled his hips forward. The bulge in Reid's cords was hot against his thigh.

  Just as Hotch made to rock his hips again, Reid said, "Wait". Hotch pulled away, afraid he had crossed some unknown boundary. To his surprise, Reid unfastened his belt and slipped off his pants. He lie there for a moment, skin flushed a rosy pink, his leaking cock arcing to his stomach. He was clad only in his mismatched socks and his red oxford shirt. He got onto his hands and knees and Hotch's mouth began to water.

  "Please, Aaron," Reid said, want practically dripping off of the two words.

  Hotch's body surged with a bolt of pleasure and he pulled a bottle of lube and a condom from the side-table drawer. He quickly pulled off his slacks and boxers before slicking his middle finger and circling Reid's entrance. Spencer gasped and pushed back against his boss's hand.

  Aaron pushed his digit slowly past the constricting muscles. Spencer hissed quietly and breathed deeply through his nose. Hotch stopped. "Are you okay?"

  Reid nodded. "It's just been a while," he admitted. Hotch vaguely wondered who it had been and how long 'a while' was, but the warmth and tightness around his finger was cutting his thoughts short. Hotch continued to prepare Spencer, adding a second and then third finger. Moments after he had pushed his ring finger in, Reid gave a sharp cry. Hotch could feel a small, fleshy bump under his fingers. He had found Spencer's prostate.

  "Please," Reid pleaded. His voice was thick with pleasure. Hotch withdrew his fingers and Reid whined quietly and shifted his hips as he searched for friction. He rolled on a condom and slicked himself before lining up with Reid's now quivering hole. He pushed his cock past the still-tight muscles and had to stop himself from thrusting all of the way in. He hadn't had sex in seven months and he hadn't had sex with a man since he was in his twenties. He had forgotten just how  _tight_ it was. Finally, his hips met the backs of Reid's thighs.

  Reid thrust back against him, sending a wave of bliss through his stomach. "Move," Reid demanded. Hotch began to move slowly; it was almost excruciating to go at such a pace. "Come  _on._ " Reid was impatient. Hotch granted his wish and slammed his hips forward.

  Reid nearly screamed as Hotch hit his prostate; his arms shook and on the next thrust they gave out. Reid now rested on his elbows, ass high in the air. His shirt had ridden up to expose a pale, creamy back littered in tiny freckles. The new angle caused Hotch to strike Reid's prostate every few strokes. Spencer had been reduced to rambling with his face buried in the crook of his arm between moans. He spread his legs farther apart and groaned against his arms. Hotch gripped Reid's hips tightly as he began to chant Hotch's name.

  "Aaron-Aaron-Aaron-Aaron," he choked out between cries. He was clutching the bedspread so hard his knuckles were white. Spencer's back bowed and his legs began to shake. He cried out a moment later and came in thick strands against the duvet. The sound of Spencer crying out his name paired with the contracting muscles around his cock triggered Hotch's orgasm as well.

  After Aaron withdrew, Reid sat up on his knees, wincing slightly. Hotch went into the bathroom and disposed of the used condom. When he returned, Reid was buckling his belt. Hotch pulled on his boxers. Aaron was unhappy that Spencer felt the need to leave immediately, but he knew that he was just serving as a release for him.

  "I'll see you at work tomorrow," Spencer said with a tiny smile on his face. He left  the apartment leaving Hotch with his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

  _III._  
  
  Every time that Reid left after they fucked, Hotch told himself that this was a bad idea and that this had been the very last time. Reid alone seemed to be able to follow the unwritten rules that accompanied this type of relationship.  
  
  I. Don't get attached  
  II. Do not express affection outside the bedroom  
  III. Do not, under any circumstances, fall in love  
  
  Hotch, the man who followed rules down to the very last period had broken all but one rule and he was well on his way to smashing the last one on the floor.  
  
  Reid was as distant as ever. He still came around to spend time with Jack and watch movies, but he wasn't opening up anymore. The only time he seemed to let his walls down was when he was on his hands and knees for his boss. Even the other members of the team had expressed concern about Spencer's behavior. Every time someone would ask him about it he would quickly change the subject.  
  
  The answer to Reid's odd behavior came on a Friday afternoon during paperwork. Hotch was returning to his office when Spencer answered his vibrating cellphone. As Aaron watched, Reid's face grew more pale and his eyes filled with tears. When he hung up the phone he grabbed his satchel and took off out the glass doors. Morgan made to follow his friend, but Hotch called after him.  
  
  "Let him go," he said regretfully. "He's not likely to talk to any of us in this state." Morgan reluctantly agreed and sat back down at his desk.  
  
  Truthfully, Hotch was having a hard time not racing after Spencer himself. It was difficult for him to concentrate on his remaining paperwork. He was extremely happy when he finished the last file. He was surprised upon returning to his apartment to find Reid sitting next to his closed door. He was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest. His arms were wound tightly around his satchel and his eyes were red and puffy.  
  
  "Spencer?" Hotch said, approaching him slowly. Reid looked up. He was a perfect portrait of hell.  
  
  "I'm sorry I left like that," he murmured. Aaron pulled him to his feet and ushered him inside. Spencer sat down on the couch and Hotch settled himself on the coffee table in front of him. Their knees brushed.  
  
  "Spencer, what happened today?"  
  
  "Bennington called," he said and his eyes welled up with tears. Hotch's stomach settled somewhere near his knees. The tears in Reid's eyes spilled over and began to run down his cheeks. "My mom died this morning," he whispered before lapsing into sobs that pulled at Hotch's heartstrings. Spencer had already been through so much that it seemed wholly unfair for him to be put through this as well.  
  
  Aaron pulled Spencer close and wrapped him in his arms. Reid buried his face in Hotch's shoulder. "She's been sick for a few weeks," said Reid thickly. "She'd been fighting off pneumonia, but..." Hotch wiped tears off Spencer's face. "I'm so numb."  
  
  "What can I do?" Hotch asked.  
  
  "I'm going to need a few days off to go to Las Vegas." He licked his lips. "And... you could help me feel."  
  
  Hotch wiped away a few more tears and leaned in. The kiss was unlike any of their previous ones; it was slow and gentle and filled with something Hotch couldn't quite put his finger on. He wove his hands into Reid's thick hair, which was as soft as silk. He stood up and lead Spencer to the bedroom.  
  
  Hotch shed his tie and suit jacket before removing Spencer's tie. He kissed him again while he unbuttoned Spencer's white oxford. He untucked it and let it slip off Reid's slim shoulders and pool on the ground near their feet.   
  
  The sight of Reid's bare torso made Aaron's mouth water. Sure, he had seen Reid shirtless before, but this time was different. This time he was allowed to look, to appreciate, and to touch. Hotch kissed Reid's neck and he moaned quietly. He yelped a bit when Aaron rolled his left nipple between his fingertips, but it quickly morphed into a groan. Hotch hastily unfastened the buttons on his own shirt and tossed the garment to the floor.  
  
  Aaron kissed his way down Spencer's chest, pausing every so often to suck at a patch of cinnamon-scented skin. The only hair on Reid's torso was the trail leading from his bellybutton into his slacks. Hotch raked his fingernails lightly along the line of hair and the muscles under his hand twitched and Reid inhaled sharply.  
  
  Hotch dropped to his knees, which brought him eye-level with the bulge that was tenting the front of Spencer's pants. When he began to undo the fastenings, Reid put his hand on Hotch's shoulder.  
  
  "You don't have to, Aaron," he said, but his voice told another story. It was husky with lust. Hotch tugged the pants and boxers down to Reid's thin ankles and he had Reid lift his feet so he could remove his socks, leaving Reid completely nude. Hotch wrapped his fingers around Reid's cock and gave it a tug before taking him into his mouth. Reid gasped and clutched at Hotch's shoulders. "Oh,  _God_ ," he said, his voice shaky.  
  
  Normally, Aaron hated giving head. With Specner though, it was a completely different situation. He wanted to memorize every ridge, every vein that was sliding across his tongue and past his lips. Spencer's scent filled his nostrils and he thought he could probably get drunk off of it. A mix of something completely Spencer and cinnamon...  
  
  The muscles in Reid's legs and abdomen began to twitch and Hotch doubled his efforts. "Aaron, I'm—" Hotch hummed around Spencer's cock and Reid cried out as he came. Hotch swallowed and stood up. Reid kissed him hard on the mouth and he could taste the salt on his tongue. He unfastened Aaron's slacks and slid them down along with his black boxers.  
  
  Hotch backed Reid towards the bed and Reid lay down in the middle. Aaron removed his socks before climbing in with him. Reid crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly nervous and shy. This was the first time he had ever been completely naked in the presence of Aaron. Hotch carefully tugged his arms away from his body.  
  
  "Don't ever hide," Aaron said quietly. He knew he was crossing into dangerous territory with those words, but the lovely blush that crossed Spencer's cheeks assured him that it was alright.  
  
  Hotch kissed Reid's neck again and was overjoyed by the moan he was awarded. He kissed down his chest, pausing now and then to nip and leave red hickeys. While he marred Spencer's skin, he slowly stroked Reid's cock, which was hard again. As he smeared the pre-cum over the tip, Reid whimpered.  
  
  "Please, Aaron," he whispered. Hotch leaned over and removed a half-empty bottle of lube and a condom. As Aaron pressed his fingers into his subordinate, Reid moaned and rolled his hips against Aaron's hand. He slowly prepared Reid, making sure that he was well-stretched. Every few strokes he would rub against Spencer's prostate, and by the time he felt he had prepared Reid well, he had tears leaking from his eyes due to the pleasure and he was begging.  
  
  Hotch made to open the condom, but Reid grabbed his arm. "No condom," he told Hotch, whose eyes widened.  
  
  "Are you sure?"  
  
  Reid blushed. "I... I want to feel..." He had a problem saying anything dirty unless he was actually having sex and had lost control of his words.  
  
  Thunder pulsed through Hotch's veins as he slid unsheathed into Spencer. He had never once thought this would ever happen. Hotch set up a slow but rough pace; on every forward thrust, Spencer would cry out. He wound his long legs around Aaron's waist. The first time Aaron hit Reid's prostate, Spencer shouted and arched his back. "Oh,  _fuck_!" Hotch had never heard Spencer say anything more foul than 'bitch' and he was surprised when the word sent a tingle down his spine.  
  
  Reid's eyes fluttered open and when they met Aaron's dark ones, Hotch swore his heart stopped for a moment. Reid's pupils were blown with pleasure and his normally hazel eyes were dark with lust.  
  
  Hotch sped up his movements slightly and Reid began to squeeze his legs tight around his waist. Moments later, he arched high off the bed with a cry of Aaron's name and he came. The view of Spencer going to pieces under him,  _because_  of him, brought forth his own orgasm. White spots danced behind his eyelids.  
  
  Spencer winced when Aaron withdrew and there was a light burning in his lower back and it felt  _fantastic_. Hotch lie down beside him while he tried to catch his breath. Spencer was also coming down from his post-orgasmic bliss. He took a kleenex from the side table and wiped the cooling semen off of his stomach and chest. When he sat up, his body twinged. He knew he would have trouble walking straight tomorrow. He dropped a kiss on Aaron's cheek and his brown eyes fluttered open.  
  
  "What was that for?" he wondered. They  _never_  kissed or touched after they were finished. It felt like a spark had ignited under his skin."  
  
  "Thank you," Reid said quietly as he dressed. "I'll be back at work on Wednesday."  
  
  "Call me if you need anything," Hotch told him. Reid nodded and he stuffed his tie into his pocket and left the room. A minute later, the front door closed.  
  
  Aaron covered his face with his hands. He was royally screwed now. He didn't know if he could keep doing this but he knew he would because it was the only way he could have Spencer.  
  
  He had broken the proverbial third rule—he had been well on his way to crossing that line, but tonight's events had left it in the dust. To Hotch, they had not had sex or fucked—they had made love without meaning to and now that was all Hotch wanted.


	4. Chapter Four

 IV.  
  
  At work on Monday, before Hotch had even let the engraved glass doors of the BAU close behind him, Penelope Garcia had come bustling up to him, her face stricken.  
  
  "Is Reid okay?" she asked. "He called everyone and told them about his mom and he _sounded_  okay, but you know him—he can fake it when he really needs to. Do I need to bake—"  
  
  Hotch held up a hand to signal Garcia to stop rambling. "I talked to him after work on Friday and on Sunday. He's as okay as he can be right now, Garcia." She nodded and dabbed underneath her eyes with a lacy handkerchief.  
  
  "It just seems so unfair, Sir," she said. "Its only been eight months since he lost Maeve and now he's lost his mom... Why does all the bad stuff happen to my Junior G-Man?"  
  
  In an uncharacteristic move, Hotch hugged Penelope and she squeaked in surprise. "He'll make it through, Penelope. He's strong." Garcia nodded again and headed over to Emily's desk. They began to talk quietly amongst themselves as Hotch headed to his office.

  
~*~*~*~

The next two days passed slowly. Hotch had no idea how much he looked forward to seeing Spencer at work until he wasn't there.

  On Wednesday morning, Reid walked into the bullpen. Hotch had been heading for the coffee machine but he stopped at the sight of Spencer. He detoured over to Reid's desk where he was setting down his things. Hotch touched his shoulder gently and Reid smiled. "How are you holding up?" he asked, his hand still on the thin shoulder.

  "I'm... okay, I guess," said Reid. "Mom wanted to be cremated. I've got her ashes at home." He was silent for a moment. "MY dad showed up for the service. Needless to say, it was highly uncomfortable."

  Hotch knew that Spencer didn't want to hear he was sorry. "I'm glad you're back," he said truthfully. Reid smiled again and Hotch's heart fluttered.

  "Me too."

  Hotch had just noticed that his hand was still on Reid's shoulder when JJ came through the bullpen, arms laden with files. "Conference room, please!" Spencer sighed.

  "I'm barely back for five minutes and you're  _already_ putting me to work," he mumbled as he picked up his coffee and slung his bag back over his shoulder. When they were all seated around the table, JJ began to brief them.

 

~*~*~*~

 

The case had been relatively easy compared to many of their other ones. They had solved it within three days and had gotten a mother back to her children. Everyone on the BAU jet was working on getting some rest before they landed in Virginia. Emily and JJ were dozing along with Rossi, Morgan was listening to his headphones, and Spencer sat next to Aaron on the couch. Even Hotch had abandoned paperwork to rest his eyes.

  As he began to relax, a weight settled on his left shoulder. Reid had tipped to the side in his slumber. Aaron's shoulder tingled and Reid's cinnamon scent wafted toward Aaron's nose. Carefully, he leaned to the right, putting them both in a half-reclining position. Much of Spencer's body now rested against his side; the warmth was incredible. It saddened Aaron that this would be the only time he would be "sleeping" with Reid in the foreseeable future. Wanting to make the most of it, he closed his eyes again and allowed himself to drift.

  When he awoke to t he chime of the seat belt light,  _everyone_  was staring at him and Reid. Aaron ignored his teammates and shook Reid awake.

  "Wuzgoinon?" Spencer mumbled sleepily, pulling away from his boss and rubbing his eyes. Hotch smiled.

  "We're getting ready for descent," he told Reid who nodded and stumbled to a seat to buckle himself in. Hotch sat down across from Reid and tried to ignore the looks coming from his team.

  When they landed in Dulles, Aaron and Spencer were the first ones off of the plane. Reid nudged his boss' shoulder. Hotch raised an eyebrow in question. 

  "Do you have Jack tonight?" he asked.

  "I'm picking him up from Jessie's house around ten tomorrow."

  Spencer smiled. "Do you have time for a movie tonight?"

  "Do you want to Netflix something?" Spencer nodded. "Thirty minutes?" He nodded again and they headed to their respective cars. Aaron could hear Emily and JJ whispering behind him.

  "What do you expect that was about?" Emily whispered to JJ.

  "Dunno," she replied.

  "Do you think that something might be going on between them?" Emily inquired. JJ snorted.

  "Not in a million years."

  Hotch chuckled and climbed into his Escalade. Fifteen minutes later he walked through his front door and hopped in the shower. He had just finished tugging a green cotton t-shirt on when a knock sounded at the door. Reid was dressed in a worn pair of slacks and a sweater. His hair was wet. 

  Aaron fired up Netflix on the Wii and went in search of a movie. Eventually they settled on  _Forrest Gump_. They were halfway through the movie when Reid leaned over and pressed his lips to Aaron's neck.

  Hotch jumped in surprise—Spencer  _never_  initiated contact. Yes, he would ask for it but he never made the first move. Reid kissed his neck again, this time biting lightly with his teeth. Aaron groaned quietly and he felt Reid's lips turn up into a smile. Aaron leaned back until his head was resting on the arm of the couch and Reid was straddling his waist. They kissed roughly, all tongues and teeth. Reid slid his hands underneath Hotch's shirt, allowing his fingers to trace the scars left by Foyet. Hotch's breath stuttered—no one had ever touched the raised lines in such a manner. His doctor touched them in a clinical fashion, Beth had avoided them all together. They had never been caressed with  _love_.

  "Is this okay?" Spencer asked, his voice muffled by Aaron's collarbone.

  "It's okay, yeah," he gasped as Reid's tongue flashed over the most sensitive part of his neck.

  Spencer slipped the t-shirt up to Hotch's armpits and left it there. He bent down and pulled a dark nipple between his teeth. Aaron's hips bucked at the sensation. He quickly slipped his hands under Reid's sweater and tugged it off, leaving the brown hair rumbled. Reid quickly divested them of their trousers, and to their astonishment found that neither man was wearing underwear.

  "Do you have lube out here?" Reid asked slyly.

  "It's in the coffee table," Aaron said. He had put a small vial of slick in the drawer in case they never made it off of the couch one night... much like this. He briefly wondered if Reid was going to prepare him—he hadn't bottomed since he was at least twenty one.

  Reid lifted up on his knees instead and moved a lube-coated finger behind himself. At the sight of Reid biting his lip in pleasure and rocking back against his own hand, heat raced through Hotch and his cock twitched in anticipation. Spencer moaned quietly and a few moments later he withdrew his fingers and slicked up his boss's cock.

  "A-are you sure?" he asked. Again, they weren't using a condom. In answer, Reid slid down on Aaron's erection. He threw his head back in pleasure and rolled his hips.  
    
  " _God_ , yes, I'm sure," he groaned. He gripped the back of the couch with one hand and dug his nails into his thigh with the other as he began to ride Hotch. Aaron couldn't keep his eyes off of the man in his lap. Spencer's head was tilted back, his eyes closed and his lip pulled tightly between his teeth. His chest and face were flushed and his skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat. The sight of his cock disappearing in and out of Spencer helped stoke the slow burning fire in Aaron's abdomen. Reid leaned forward a bit and cried out on the downward thrust. The change in angle had caused Aaron to strike his prostate.  
    
  It only took a few more thrusts for Spencer to cry Hotch's name loudly and come across his boss's chest. Hotch followed suit seconds later, his hands digging into Reid's hips so hard he  _knew_  he would be leaving bruises.

  Reid lay on top of Hotch for several moments, pressing butterfly kisses to his sweat-tainted skin. A thrill of longing surged through Aaron's body at every press of Spencer's lips; he wanted this to be a normal occurrence. He wanted Spencer to kiss him like this every day; he wanted to  _sleep_  beside him; he wanted to hear the three words he hadn't hear in nearly four years save for his son; he just  _wanted_.

  When Spencer finally moved off of him and began to re-dress, Hotch was ambivalent. He was immediately lonely but he was also relieved. They bade each other goodnight and Aaron retreated to his room where he lay awake until two in the morning, thinking.


	5. Chapter Five

_V_.  
  
  Aaron was distracted all day. Several times, Jack had had to shout "Daddy!" to bring him back to the real world. Truthfully, he was pondering his situation with Spencer. He _knew_  that it shouldn't have happened in the first place, but it had and now he had to deal with it.  _Actions have consequences,_ thought Aaron bitterly. He hadn't meant to do any of this: he hadn't meant to sleep with a subordinate and he  _definitely_ didn't mean to fall in love.  
  
  Every time he was in Spencer's presence, he wanted to wrap him in his arms and never let him go. Truthfully, what was going on between them was making everything ten times harder on Aaron than it ever should have been.  
  


~*~*~*~

He was unsure how he had wound up in front of the door to Spencer's apartment, but he had been standing there for at least twelve minutes when the door opened, revealing an alarmed looking Spencer. He was dressed in light blue pajamas and he was wearing his horn-rimmed glasses.

  "Aaron?" he asked worriedly. "What's going on?"

  "Can I come in?"

  Spencer stepped aside and Hotch shuffled in. "Is everyone okay? Is Jack hurt?" Hotch sat down on the leather couch; Reid sat on the other end, facing him.

  "No, it's nothing like that," he assured him.

  "Then what's going on?" The only time Hotch had been to Spencer's apartment was to check on him after Maeve had died.

  Aaron rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He really had no idea whether he was doing the right thing or not. On one hand, he got to be with Spencer, but on the other, it was a lie and playing into it  _hurt_. 

  "I can't... I can't  _do_ this anymore, Spencer," Aaron finally said quietly. Spencer's face fell.

  "What?" he asked, confused. "Did I do something wrong?"

  Hotch smiled sadly. "That's the problem—you did everything right." On a whim, he leaned in and kissed Reid softly on the lips. He tried to force all of his feelings into it before pulling away. Spencer touched his fingers to his lips. They were tingling as Hotch exited the apartment.

  
~*~*~*~

For once, Spencer's mind was blank. He was unsure of how long he sat there, his fingers to his lips. He jumped slightly as water splashed on his exposed ankle. He touched his cheek and was surprised to find that he was  _crying_. What was he crying? It's not like they had been  _dating_. They were fuck-buddies; it had to end eventually. Still, it hurt, and it hurt much, much more than it ought to.

  He had grown used to Aaron's presence. It was now routine for him to show up on his boss's doorstep after a hard case. He didn't know which he was going to miss more, the sex... or Aaron himself.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts off as a release, something to do to calm down, but eventually it morphs into something that neither are sure about.

Aaron and Spencer's work relationship didn't deviate much from its normal routine. Hotch still let his hand linger on Reid's shoulder, and he still leaned close, but they no longer had a flirty banter. In fact, they only spoke when necessary.  
  
  Reid hadn't been over to Hotch's in three weeks, and the absence was beginning to eat away at Hotch. Even before the tryst began, they spent time with each other. Both had been trying to mask their discomfort with the other, but their team mates had picked up on it. JJ cornered Spencer as he was filling his sixth cup of coffee.  
  
  "Morning, Spence," she said as she refilled her own cup.  
  
  "Good morning, JJ," he replied, but his voice indicated that it wasn't a very good morning for him at all. JJ decided to dive right in.  
  
  "Did something happen between you and Hotch?" she asked, and Spencer spilled sugar all over the counter. He hastily swiped it into the bin and turned to face JJ with a smile on his face.  
  
  "Nothing happened," he lied. "Aaron and I are fine." He grabbed his coffee and scurried back to his desk. JJ stood there in mild shock.  
  
  " _Aaron_?" she whispered, confused as to when Spencer had begun calling the Unit Chief by his first name.

 

~*~*~*~

A few days later, Reid ran into Hotch at the coffee machine. An awkward silence filled the air. "How are you?" Reid tentatively asked.

  "I'm doing alright," he said. ' _Lie, lie, lie,_ ' he thought.

  "How's Jack?" Hotch frowned.

  "He... he misses you," Aaron admitted. Reid's eyes widened in surprise. "He says that I don't read bedtime stories right."

  Reid chewed on his lip and Hotch had to clench his fist so he wouldn't pull it from his teeth. "Do you have Jack tonight?" Hotch nodded. "Uh... The three of us could have dinner and watch a movie, if that's okay with you. I don't want to impose."

  "I'm sure Jack would like that very much," Hotch said, smiling. He knew nothing would happen, but having Spencer in his apartment again filled a small part of the void in his chest. They agreed on ordering Chinese and watching whatever Jack chose off of Netflix and they headed back to work.

  
~*~*~*~

At seven o'clock, Jack tugged the front door open and shouted, "Spencer!" and hugged the doctor's legs.

  "Hi, Jack," said Spencer with a smile. Jack was immune to the Reid Effect; the two of them got along fairly well.

  "Buddy, you need to let go of Spencer's legs so he can come in and eat," Hotch told his son, who shouted in agreement and raced into the kitchen. The air crackled with unresolved tension and awkwardness. Reid set his satchel by the door and removed his high tops. One sock was rainbow ombre, the other covered in lightning bolts. Hotch smiled. "You hungry?" Aaron asked, leaning against the wall. Reid nodded. "I made sure to get extra walnut shrimp and mongolian beef."

  "Thanks," Reid murmured.

  "Guys!" Jack shouted, leaning out of the kitchen. "Come  _on_! I'm  _hungry_!"

  "It seems we have been summoned for dinner," Aaron said, amused. Spencer chuckled and followed his boss into the kitchen.

  After watching  _The Avengers_ , Jack requested that Reid tuck him in and tell him a story. Hotch leaned against the door frame as Reid tucked his son in. "Will you read me  _Harry Potter_?" Jack asked quietly.

  Spencer smiled. "Do you remember where we left off?" Jack nodded.

  "They found the three-headed dog!"

  " _'The floor?" Harry suggested. "I wasn't looking at its feet, I was too busy with its heads,'_ " recited Spencer. Jack listened intently for several minutes before interrupting.

  "Spencer?" he asked quietly.

  "Yes?"

  "Why don't you come over anymore?" Something in Hotch's stomach dropped, and judging by Spencer's reaction, the same had happened to him.

  "Well, Jack... You see—your dad and I just decided not to spend as much time together anymore." The eight year old frowned.

  "But you make him happy," he stated matter-of-factly. Aaron was amazed at how perceptive Jack already was. He could be a fantastic profiler.

  Reid sighed. "He makes me happy, too," he admitted.

  "So watch more movies with him," Jack said, as if that would solve everything.

  "I'll see what I can do," Reid told him. The clock on the bedside table read 9:10 P.M. "You need to sleep."

  "Will I see you later?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

  "I'll try," Spencer said as he stood up. He dotted a kiss on the boy's forehead before he even thought about the action. "Goodnight."

  "'Night," Jack mumbled. Hotch retreated to the living room before Reid turned around. Spencer treated Jack like he was his own, and it only made Aaron love him more.

  "Well," Spencer said as he entered the room, "I should probably go." Aaron wanted to beg him to stay, but he refrained.

  "I'll see you at work on Monday," he said, walking him to the door.

  Reid nodded. There was a tense pause as they stood barely a foot apart, their eyes locked. Hotch leaned in ever so slightly—

  "Well, goodnight," blurted Reid. His cheeks were turning pink.

  Aaron cleared his throat. "Yeah... Goodnight." As he watched Spencer walk out the door, he wondered why he felt he was making a humongous mistake.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts off as a release, something to do to calm down, but eventually it morphs into something that neither are sure about.

 Over the next week, Hotch noticed that Reid was acting strangely. Every time he looked up, Reid was staring at him. Sometimes he looked confused or deep in thought; others, he just simply stared. Every time he was caught he would look away hastily, his cheeks a rosy pink.  
  
  Since the night they had dinner with Jack, Reid had been avoiding Aaron like the plague, only talking to him when required. Hotch briefly wondered whether he had done something wrong, but he was positive he hadn't. Maybe Jack's questions had made him uncomfortable...?

  
~*~*~

 Jack was at a Friend's house for  the night, and Hotch found himself playing his son's  _Mario Kart_  game. He was so engrossed that he jumped when a knock sounded on the door. Upon opening it, he found Spencer completely drenched.

  "Spencer," Hotch said, surprised. He ushered him inside and shut the door. "Is something wrong?" Reid shook his head. "Hang on, let me get you a towel." He hurried to the bathroom.

  Hotch returned and offered Spencer a plush bath towel, but he didn't take it. To him complete astonishment, Reid stepped forward and crashed his lips to Hotch's. Reid's lips were cold and wet, but his tongue was warm as Hotch slid his own against it. Fireworks exploded throughout his body. Hotch clutched Reid's wet sweater; the towel fell to the ground, forgotten. When the need to breathe grew to be too much, they parted. 

  "What was that for?" Aaron asked breathlessly.

  "It was because I've realized how stupid I am. I miss the way you feel on my skin, I miss the way you taste..." His voice dropped and his eyes fluttered as he looked down and fiddled with Aaron's collar. "I miss the way you feel inside of me. I miss  _you_ , Aaron. So much." Hotch kissed him hard.

  "I miss you, too. But I need you to understand something — I can't do just the physical aspect of a relationship, not with you. It's all or nothing, Spencer." Reid draped his arms over Hotch's shoulders and buried his face in his neck.

  "I'll give you my all if you give me yours," he said, and Hotch's heart skipped a beat. 

  "My all," Hotch said.

  "My all," Spencer whispered in agreement.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts off as a release, something to do to calm down, but eventually it morphs into something that neither are sure about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to get an epilogue up some time tomorrow to top the story off, but here's the end of Miles to Go! I'm so sorry that it took this long! :)

 Hotch was unsure of how he wound up on his bed with Spencer atop him, kissing every part of his body that he could reach. He was in such a haze that he didn't notice the close were coming off until Spencer slid the elastic of his boxers down his legs.  
  
  Aaron was the happiest he had been in a while. He couldn't believe that this was happening and it wasn't under the guise of venting frustration. He had never imagined this would happen—not even in his wildest dreams.  
  
  "Aaron," said Spencer quietly.  
  
  Hotch pulled himself back to the real world. "Yeah?" Spencer brushed the side of his face with the back of his hand.  
  
  "Where were you?" he asked in relation to the look Aaron had worn moments before.  
  
  "Just thinking about how I never thought I'd be happy like this with you again." Spencer kissed him softly and rubbed circles onto his face with his thumbs. Hotch pulled the lube from the table and pushed it into Reid's hands. "I... I want... you to..." Hotch wasn't sure how to voice his request—he hadn't had to ask for nearly twenty years. Spencer looked at the lube in his hand with wide eyes before looking back at Aaron.  
  
  "Are... are you sure?" He had topped a few times but it had been several years.  
  
  "I'm sure," Aaron said. "I want you to have that part of me, too."  
  
  Spencer kissed Aaron slowly, allowing their tongues to move against each other in a tantilizing motion. His hands roamed everywhere—he couldn't keep them to himself. When he traced the nine scars on Aaron's chest, he tensed. Spencer kissed him on the nose.  
  
  "Don't be ashamed," Spencer whispered.  
  
  "I'm not ashamed," Hotch said with conviction. "No one has ever touched them the way that you do; no one but my doctor and Jack touch them, actually."  
  
  "Well," Reid murmured as he pressed his lips to the biggest scar, causing Hotch to shiver, "I think they make you more beautiful then you already were." Aaron's throat tightened and he fought against the few tears that wanted to escape.  
  
  Eventually, Hotch just let go, which was something he rarely ever did, and just let Reid take care of him and love him. He was peppered with kisses and love bites, stroked, caressed, and cherished. It was honestly something he had never experienced before. It felt good to be loved.  
  
  When Reid's long finger breached him, he gasped at the intrusion. It was foreign and strange. As Reid began to pump his finger, the odd sensation was exchanged for some small tingles of pleasure. Spencer pushed in as far as possible and crooked his finger; he smirked when Aaron cried out and arched his hips.  
  
  "More," said Hotch, his voice hoarse. Reid pressed his index finger in as well. Hotch hissed as the burning that accompanied the stretching skittered through him. A few minutes later, Spencer added his ring finger and Aaron rocked his hips against the hand between his thighs. "Now," he ground out. Reid withdrew his fingers and Aaron groaned at the loss. Reid covered his cock liberally with lube and slowly pressed in. Aaron breathed deeply through his nose until Spencer was fully inside him. He rolled his hips experimentally and gasped as Spencer's cock slightly nudged his prostate.  
  
  Spencer took the movement as a sign to move. He withdrew to the tip and quickly thrust back in. Aaron's toes curled and he moaned loudly. As Spencer moved inside of him, Hotch was lost in the bliss. His hands were fisted in the blankets above his head and his legs were locked around Spencer's waist. It was like fireworks were exploding everywhere underneath his skin. It was hard to tell which way was up and which way was down.  
  
  A slow fire began to spread throughout Hotch's stomach and lower back. When it came to a head, he cried Spencer's name loudly and came across his chest in thick white strands. Seconds later, Spencer called out Aaron's name as well. Spencer just managed to collapse next to Hotch instead of on top of him. Aaron wiped himself off with a kleenex and discarded it. He rolled over to face Spencer.  
  
  "Stay?" he asked, hopeful.  
  
  Spencer smiled. "I'll stay."


End file.
